Kathryn Sansone talks about why and how being good to yourself benefits not only you, but your spouse and your kids as well.
Kathryn Sansone, author of 'Woman First, Family Always' discusses how she has learned to successfully juggle her needs with the needs of her husband and her children.
Your Self
As women, wives, and mothers, most of us have heard or uttered the very tired phrase "a mother's work is never done" many times. We can all share stories of how difficult, stressful, and exhausting it is to try to do everything—take care of our kids, run our households, work, and maintain a meaningful relationship—preferably all at the same time. And it's true: managing all these aspects of our lives is difficult, stressful, and exhausting. But does it have to be?
When I was younger and only had two children, life seemed much harder. I spent my days going from one task to another without so much as taking a breath, never mind a bath. The word drudgery comes to mind. At the end of the day, yes, the beds were made, the house tidy, the dinner cooked. But it seemed the moments of joy came only infrequently and the negative feelings powered by fatigue and time spent doing everything for others were much
more frequent.
Baby Steps
Then, slowly but surely, and through a lot of trial and error, I began to understand that unless I took care of myself, everything in life would seem too difficult, too unmanageable, and definitely not enjoyable. It came down to a choice I alone could make: Was I ready to take care of myself, or would I let myself get pulled down the road where a negative, powerless attitude toward life holds sway? I chose the former, and it has made all the difference.
Of course, this new way of living my life didn't happen overnight. I started by taking baby steps. I decided that each day I would do one small thing for myself—whether it was spending twenty minutes on the treadmill with my younger son balanced on the top, putting together some cash to pay a babysitter for a short-but-luxurious hour so I could get my nails done, or simply figuring out a way to take a ten-minute shower instead just squeezing in a two-minute one. Though small, the impact of these baby steps was immediate and dramatic: I felt remarkably better in my own skin. I felt stronger—physically and emotionally. I felt better able to tackle the rest of the day, juggling trips to the grocery store, doing errands, and taking care of my growing brood.
The Domino Effect
That's the lesson that I'd like to share with other exhausted, overwhelmed moms out there. When you neglect any one of these aspects of yourself, it has a negative domino effect in which you lose your center and feel disconnected from yourself and others. On the other hand when you stay connected to yourself and learn ways to nurture yourself, managing everything else in your life becomes easier. I connect to myself in three ways: emotionally, physically, and spiritually.
My inner self.When I stay in touch with my inner self, my former self, and my friends, I stay grounded and better able to manage my daily life, which is filled to the brim with action.
My body. When I take care of my body, strengthening and making it feel fit and vital, I feel better about myself—on the inside and the outside. When I feel better about myself, my confidence soars and I feel hopeful, capable, and ready to handle even the biggest challenges.
My spirit. When I am spiritually centered, I feel both close to my soul and to God. I feel more connected to the world all around me, and it's this dual connection—at both the level of the soul and to the larger world—that ultimately gives my life the most meaning.
I learned to take care of myself gradually, and I continue to learn valuable lessons about how best to do that.
Now—ten children and nineteen years of marriage later—I can say that on most evenings, when my husband walks through the door I can smile. Easier said than done? Maybe. As with anything important, taking care of yourself requires both conscious commitment and action.
First, you need to develop an attitude toward life that matches your behavior so that when you intend for something to happen, it actually does happen. Second, taking care of yourself also means staying focused on your priorities while at the same time giving yourself a break when you need to.
Excerpted From 'Woman First, Family Always' by Kathryn Sansone (Meredith Books; 2006)
