By AOL Editor Dori Fern
Congratulations, Shelly, on being our Financial Planning CEO prize winner. It's hard to talk about your life without addressing your husband's 1998 death, which left you with five children, ages 11 months to 6 years old. Tell me what happened to him.
Kelly was a pilot in the Army. He was on a reconnaissance mission. We were stationed in Germany. It was just supposed to be an hour flight -- not a big deal. He was supposed to go to Bosnia a couple of weeks later. The plane's engine coughed, went into a spin and it crashed.
How did you deal with the grief?
A year later, I went back to Germany and had a beautiful memorial service there. I put as many positive spins as I could for the kids to help us deal with it. Some people deal with grief like "it’s over, you gotta move on." I believe you’ve got to let the memory stay alive. Let the kids grieve, let them talk about it.
What was it like, managing your life with five young children?
For a while I was in shock. I stayed with my parents for about two months, then bought a house in my hometown, in Michigan. Tried to get myself on the ground. Then I hired a nanny and got a part-time job as a victim's advocate. A lot of people questioned that. They thought the kids would be better with me than with a nanny. People questioned everything I did. I needed some adult time. My heart said to be the best mother I can be, I needed time for me.
How were the kids during this time?
They would say things around bedtime about wanting their dad and it was devastating to me. I would fall down and bawl my eyes out.
About six months after the crash, my then 5-year-old daughter, Tori asked "What does Daddy look like now?" I answered that he is like an angel, maybe with wings ... She looked at me straight in the eyes and said "No Mom, what does he look like in the ground?" I asked her if it was OK to get back to her on this one after school.
